you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
