Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
