And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
