Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Barsexuality is the new black.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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