I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
