i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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