it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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