The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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