Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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