youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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