____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
