I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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