no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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