Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
