It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
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Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
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that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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