i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
