Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
