so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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