Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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