just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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