When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
