he looks like a really good dad on facebook
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
