I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
