the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
