Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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