The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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