Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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