she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
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woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
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I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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