Whoa Z and x make the same sound
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
