I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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