May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
if i died would you start the facebook group?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
