You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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