you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
