went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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