I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
