ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
