Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
