Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
