watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I will pee on everything he values.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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