So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
how drunk are you?
Several
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
