You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
