I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
