About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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