Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
