he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
