I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
