my soul wont recognize me after tonight
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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