I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
