u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
