do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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