i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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