Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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