If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
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