Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
