I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
