Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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