My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
