I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
