I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.