I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
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He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
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thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.