tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
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I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
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