she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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