the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
