i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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