i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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