U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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