I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
