you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
