and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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