im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
