Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
