You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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